Seeing Matt smile again, completely free of any force, was good for Noah. It made his chest feel lighter and the lump that formed in his stomach to unwind just a little. He felt less uneasy, though still had the feeling of bugs crawling under his skin. Noah tapped his fingers along the counter, running his knife across the omelette and pushing the piece across the plate, his stomach growling under the table. He closed his eyes, thinking through the words Matt just spoke. He’d really known that Matt would have met someone by now, a guy like Matt was hard not to notice. It didn’t hurt too badly; Noah was almost used to the pain. It wasn’t as much of a heart break it would have been if it wasn’t after years and years had passed without a single communication between the two. Noah was older, and a little more capable to deal with things, even if he often felt totally lost in the world. He noticed Matt glance at Rem’s door. Noah had kind of figured this too, why else would Rem hate him so much, or at least now barely tolerate him? Noah didn’t really harbour any bad feelings, he was at least glad that Matt was happy, that’s all he needed. The past was the past. He still loved Matt, but in an old way, like a was thing that was never going to be in the present. He looked up at Matt, away form the food on his plate, that he wanted to eat but wasn’t sure if he could.

Noah considered the words he had to say for a while, picking and choosing. For once he was actually considering himself. It was an on and off thing, actually thinking about what he was doing. Right now though, he felt like the sanest persona live, though he was far from that. No matter what, Matt had that effect on Noah’s persona, he just calmed him completely. This had been really the only time he’d felt awkward around him. “I think… I like that idea Matt. This other guy deserves a chance with a guy like you anyway. All I could ask for after what I did was to be your friend. Thank you Mathew. But…there’s ones thing…” Noah hesitated, biting his lip. He laid his hand on Matt’s, watching him closely. For a moment, touching him. Noah remembered how in love he was with Matt. Where had that ever gone? So much time had passed that there was just an echo. Matt was his first love, and he would never get over that, of course not, but he was fine with just being friends, because so much was different now. “Its just...Matt, I want to explain what happened…because I don’t think you have the full story and I feel I owe it to you to explain what happened that night, why really, I’m here now….” he ended, finally looking down and drawing his hand back to himself. He couldn’t believe he was offering this information, this was usually one of the hardest things to get out of his mouth, but this was the only person he ever wanted to tell this story to.